Remembering - Part 2

"Remember the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands." Deuteronomy 8:2

About a year after I accepted the Lord my parents separated and divorced. My mom, who had been a stay at home mom, had to find a job. My brother, sister and I went to after school care in a woman's home not far from our house. Six months later Mom and Dad sold the house as a part of the divorce settlement and by the end of that school year we had to move.

Mom found a house for rent in the middle of a 7 acre apricot orchard. The new house was in a different school district and we had to change schools. I was now in fifth grade and,
being determined to fit in, I made friends rather quickly. Looking back now I see I was looking to others for validation of my worth and so I friend hopped to strategically place myself in the "in" crowd. In my insecurity, I tended to break into pairs of girls in order to attempt to gain the title "best friend". It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized (that as a child) I did it intentionally. By sixth grade I was "in".

In was a lonely place to be. I hadn't made any close friends because everyone tended to friend hop. We did things to gether as a group but mostly things that were trouble. When I was eleven I shoplifted my first beer. My heart pounds even now as I thnk about it.

A group of five of us, led by a 13 year old (she was very grown up and had a 15 year old boyfriend), went to the local mini mart. We hid the beers under our shirts and nonchalantly strolled out. We walked down to the elementary school and sat in the sand box by the swings and drank the beers. I nursed mine - it tasted terrible. I was distinctly aware that not only was I wrong for 1) stealing and 2) drinking, I knew that Jesus was right there sitting with us. I couldn't wait for the whole thing to be over. But, not wanting to be "uncool", I stayed with the group.

With the same group of girls I smoked my first joint, saw a Hustler magazine and smoked my first cigarettes. All before Junior High.