Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Conversation with God

Me: Wah, Wah, Wah.

Okay, so I didn't say "Wah" but it was about the same thing.

Me (tears streaming down my face): Father, I am not happy. I don't want to move to the Bay Area. I don't want to live so far from my family and friends. It is so expensive there. I don't want to deal with renting out the hou-

At this point I was overwhelmed by shame. I literally had to turn my head to the side. God didn't fill me with shame but more flooded past me all the blessings he has given me. Who am I to complain about not getting my way when I have SO much.

"Do you trust me?"

Oh no. Not that question.

Me: "Of course I trust you, but God-"

"Do you trust me?"

Me (squirming): "I trust you to do what is in your plan. I trust that you're not leaving me alone. I trust that-"

"Do you trust me with your life?"

Me (trying to figure out a way out of this one...): "But I just don't see why-"

"Do you trust me with your life?"

Eternal feeling 2 minute pause.

Me (very submissively): "Yes."

Peace washing over me.

"Then let me do it."

1 comment:

twoboysmom said...

Hi Mary, The San Francisco Bay Area is generally seperated into 3 major areas. The North, South and East Bay areas. We are looking at moving to the East Bay. It would be about 90 mins, no traffic, up to 3 hour drive on busy weekends and holidays from Sacramento. Not too far but farther than I want to be!

We lived in the East Bay before buying in Sacramento. Hubby grew up there and is quite pleased to be going back. I don't like it much. Yes, I homeschool so we do just pick up and move school with us. Part of my concern is that in order to afford to live in the Bay Area I may need to work part time. Not so bad in itself but schooling the boys is my top priority.