I am a very emotional person. I experience life through an extreme filter of emotions. When I am happy, I am elated. When I am sad, I am distraught. When I am mad, step back, she's gonna blow. When I am nervous, I am anxious. When I am anxious, I am not breathing. If I have nothing of my own to cause me extreme emotion I find other things to fill in. My friends, my family, TV.
Lately, my emotions have become physically unhealthy. The extremity of them has caused on-going panic attacks. My body and mind have been on the defense ready for the next wave to come over me. I have tried to be very conscious of this. I have practiced my awareness of breathing. I have practiced being more mindful of my thoughts and feelings. I am getting better at it.
Today, I have been wondering all morning what is wrong with me. Then I realized, I am not feeling extreme emotion. I am not elated. I am not devastated. I am not angry. I am not overwhelmed. I just am. I am busy. I have things to do. I am getting things done. But, I am not frantic. I am not hyperventilating because the floors need to be done. I am just doing them.
What a strange feeling this is. I think I need to meditate on this. I don't know this me. I don't dislike it. I just don't know what to do with it yet.
1 comment:
Perhaps as you have taken pro-active steps to be in charge of who you are and what you think, the automatic lies and emotions that made you "react", now don't have the same force
I'm excited for you.
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