Libby

Hubby's family reunion is this weekend. In previous years different families have taken turns hosting the family reunion all over California and Nevada. The past five years it has been hosted at Bonnie's house.

Bonnie's house is beautiful. They completely rebuilt it from the inside, complete with a pool and outdoor BBQ and volleyball area. It is stunning and they are willing to take on the job. The problem is Libby.

Libby is their German Shepherd. I am terrified of Libby.

When I was 7, I was bitten in 4 places by a dog (part pit, part boxer). The doctor said the dog would have chewed to the bone if it had not been for my puffy winter coat. My mom heard me screaming from inside the house up the hill from where I was. She came running and throwing rocks. By the time she got me home and went out to get my sister, who was headed home from school, my sister and a neighbor's child had been bit, too.

I grew up around dogs. We had a black lab and a husky at the time I was bit. After they were gone we had a chow/ shepherd mix. My dad had a lab and then when I was in high school a wolf/ shepherd mix. I never liked dogs before being bit and never felt safe around them after but I knew how to handle a dog and how to behave around them. I also know when a dog doesn't like someone. And Libby doesn't like me.

The first reunion we went to at Bonnie's house, Biggest was 4 months old. I didn't know they had a dog and when we rang the doorbell we were greeted by a very loud barking dog. While I got myself under control quickly my first instinct was to run. They opened the door and held on to her collar. They told us she had to get to know us first. All I could see was this set of teeth right at the height of my baby's feet dangling from daddy's arms. As she circled us to check us out I was flashing back to being bit on the butt - the bite that dropped me to my knees and almost cost me my face as a child. This was my introduction to Libby.

Apparently she deemed us okay and I made a point of staying away from her at all times. During the family sharing time around the BBQ pit I had to leave the group (and Libby) to go into the house to get Biggest who had just woken up from a nap. I went in, picked him up and headed back out of the house toward the group. Libby jumped up, at the ready, and started growling and barking at me. I backed slowly into the house and closed myself inside. Bonnie and Dave admonished Libby in a very sweet voice that, "It is just Cousin" and waved me outside. They didn't even hold the dog, still at the ready and watching me as I walked all the way past her and back to the group. I thought I was going to be sick and had to fight back the tears. Later I came out of the bathroom and the only soul around was, you guessed it, Libby. I closed myself back into the bathroom until I heard other people come into the house. Overall, we made it to the end of the day and I was relieved knowing the next year the reunion would be held elsewhere. I was wrong.

The following year Dave and Bonnie were gracious enough to host again at their lovely home. I was almost sick at the news. I emailed them and let them know my fears. I explained my past and that my fear of dogs reaches phobic proportions. I asked if they would be willing to put Libby either on a leash or in her yard (a lovely, landscaped side yard easily the size of my master bedroom, specifically made for Libby.) They e-mailed back that Libby was really a very friendly dog and I had nothing to worry about. We went to the reunion. They held the dog long enough for me to pet her and decided that since we were now friends and I had been enlightened to the fact the she was a very friendly dog it was okay to let her go. I stayed near people at all times and even had people escort me to the bathroom. I let my inlaws chase around, now 16 month old, Biggest while I stayed in the group. The one time I went to the bathroom without an escort guess who was there when I came out. I again went back in and waited for someone else to come around. I kept an eye on that dog the entire time and when we left Bonnie made sure to point out how right she was that I just needed to give Libby a chance. I smiled and nodded while holding back the very nasty words filling my mind and got into the car. Within two driveways I burst into tears and I cried hysterically for the next 5 minutes. I had been so stressed all day.

Now I choose not to go to the family reunion. Every year since I have received nothing but grief that I will not go. I get guilt trips from grandma and mom. I've been told that I just need to "give it to the Lord", that I am wrong for holding onto my fears.

I am so glad that none of them deal with the fear I do. I am sending the kids tomorrow with my in-laws so they can enjoy and get to know their extended family. I don't ever want my kids to have the fear I do. But, I do have this fear and while I enjoy the family and previously looked forward to reunion time every year, I will not go back as long as Libby is around.