A Friend To My Husband

I have been praying for years for my husband to find a friend. A friend like Jonathan was to David. Someone who understands him, encourages him and calls him to account when necessary.

Husband doesn't trust people and he really doesn't trust Christians. Explain it by pointing to many betrayals early in his life. A child's perception of betrayal towards his parents; being surrounded by legalism and hypocrisy during "formative years"; teased by classmates and ostricized by friends when pulled out and home schooled. One could also chalk it up to his inate nature. He has always been very private and cerebral. He enjoys secrets and observation. He'll do well in his new job.

I, on the other hand, trust everyone. I enjoy people. I love to share with them. To know them and be known. I have many acquaintances and a couple of very close friends. My heart is an open book. I find comfort and peace in friendship.

Husband stays away from church. He prefers to stand before the Lord alone. He refuses to go to bible study. He would rather hang out in a bar with coworkers and watch people than go to game night with friends of 15 years. I love church. I love to worship with fellow believers - my snippit of what is to come. I love to go to bible study and glean from and be sharpened by others. I would much rather go to game night!

My concern for husband is that when you are walking alone is is easy to step off on a tangent. So I have been praying that he would find a friend. I have prayed for years for that friend. As we prepare to move into a new home, in a new area, with a new job and no church home I have become more frantic in my prayers.

This morning I woke up at 5am and was unable to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned while sending up random prayers and more and more my thoughts became frantic over what is to come. At 6am I finally got up and got my bible and started to read. While headed to the Psalms I felt drawn to the most peculiar book and while I didn't understand why I was there I felt compelled to keep reading. While I read I prayed, "Lord, I know you have me here... help me to understand what you have for me in this." I read about men who seemed to understand God's nature and seemed right in what they were saying and yet God said, "I am angry with you and your two friends, because you you have not spoken of me what is right,". They did not have God's understanding, nor did they seek it. God also said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" Oh, I read and read so much I cannot put the the fullness of it here. But what came into my mind over and over was Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."

I continued to read into the Psalms and continued to pray for my husband. Over and over I wanted to send a message to a friend that I thought might have wisdom for me, or even take care of it for me. Over and over God said, "No."

"But God, what do I do? He needs a friend. This would have to be such an extraordinary friend that he would trust him. That he would open up to him. That he may even receive healing through him."

"I have given him you to be his friend."

"What????"

And then it hit me. Husband trusts me. He trusts me like he has never trusted anyone else.

"But, I am a woman. I am his wife."

"Yes."

The enormity of this responsibility almost overwhelmed me. I am his friend. We've been together for 16 years, but this is a level of friendship beyond enoying his company and doing things together. Being a wife beyond making honey-do lists and seeking help with the kids. This entails understanding and not nagging. Praying and listening for that response. Being the prayer partner and staying accountable to the Lord so that I can help hold him accountable to the Lord. Not nagging, not pestering, not self seeking. All the qualities I had hoped someone else would offer God is asking me to offer.

"Lord, I can not do this on my own. Help me to seek you in every step. Let your words be the words I speak. In love and not in judgement. Help me to navigate through these waters as this new aspect of our relationship comes together."

I can see how our time here away from family and friends has prepared me for this. I can see very clearly how our move in California will make way for this. I am trusting that God will work this out. That he will guide me in the balance of this new role and yet keep me from taking the weight of things that are not mine onto my shoulders. That he will continue to open husbands heart to me and that we will worship the Lord our God together. This is what I truly desire... to stand before the Lord together, as friends, as husband and wife, as one.