How are you doing personally?

A dear friend recently asked me this question via email.  I had sent out an update to a prayer request for a family member.  Hmm.  I am scattered. I have gotten to a place, once again, where I have too much going on.  I am moving on to the next deadline before the details are wrapped up on the one before.  I am functioning.  I am not doing badly.  But I am not focused and it is leaving me overwhelmed.

I spent this last week out of town.  It was for a very functional purpose, but it gave me the opportunity to step out of normalcy.  I am back home, but not wanting to be.   I have allot of emotional stuff going on, but I am trying to block most of it.  The circumstances can't be changed. There is no point in dwelling on it.

I feel stunted.  I am not spending enough time developing any one thought or concept.  How to be who I am supposed to be?  How am I doing personally?  I don't know, because I am not sure how I should be.  I am a wife.  I am a lover.  I am a friend.  I am a mom.  I am a teacher. I am making an adequate pass at each.  I can look at each role and have ideas how to do better, but I need the energy and time to put into each.  I feel like each one is in an okay place, but I want each to be better.  If any sits in this one place too long, it will become stagnant.  I don't want to be stagnant or stunted.  I want to always be improving, growing, changing, living, breathing.  I want to be alive and vibrant.  I am alive, but not vibrant.

I can see that I will get there.  I just need to regroup.  I have committed to myself to not take on any new projects outside the home, but as we are only a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Christmas, those are projects unto themselves.

Oh Lord, grant me the strength and focus to develop the areas that need to grow now.  Help me to see the order that you would have in my life.  Align my heart with yours and help me to see my husband and children through your eyes.  Help me to leave behind my self centered agendas and seek what is right and good and true.