"a better life must take place in the here and now. Only what I can attain today not what I hope for tomorrow."
This is the general theme of many writings I have come across lately. I have found myself procrastinating a lot. I have fallen into a pattern of doing the minimum and then withdrawing to my office and losing myself in the unimportant.
This is not the way I am supposed to live my life. This is not living life to the fullest. This is not being faithful with what God has given me. This is not what I want my legacy to be.
"This" is deeper than I can put into words right now. The impressions and feelings swirling around in my heart and my head. I am still trying to sort out what and how I can correct this pattern. I have many tools within my reach. Many options for living life different. But, I find my complacency somehow comfortable. Like a little cave I can crawl into and hide.
I think I am struggling with why I feel the desire to hide. Is it laziness? Is it apathy? It definitely selfishness. I feel like I am seeking protection. But protection from what?
In the meantime, I have responsibilities. I have people who need more than I am giving.
Father, help me to rise above this; whatever this is. Give me the desire, the energy and the wisdom to do what needs to be done. Help me to do it with a content and sincere heart. Help me to live my life in a way that will glorify you.
1 comment:
It's not laziness or apathy and it's not even selfish. It's the way creative people like you respond to life when their cirucumstances provide little personal freedom and require tremendous and continuous responsible supervision. You are great at seizing the moment and seeing the adventure in living - something most of us struggle to do. But that same gift requires times of seclusion, privacy, and time to incubate new notions. Take heart. The amount of constant supervision and responsibility will diminish each year and the personal time will increase. For now, I wouldn't worry about (or feel bad about) taking the time as necessary. It is what makes you so good when your good...and that is better than consistent mediocrity.
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