A couple of weeks ago I was struggling. Our house is on the market. We are trying to move closer to hubby's work but I don't want to. Actually, I do want to. No, I don't want to... See what I mean. There is far more to the story but to get to the point of today's blog I was really fighting the sale of the house.
It was a gradual thing. When we put the house on the market I threw myself into the project with gusto. I packed up all the extraneous things around the house and moved them to storage. I cleaned walls, windows, floors, cabinets, etc. I manicured the lawn and spread new bark in the flower beds. I even pulled out the dreaded weed eater. I painted the entry way and the hallway (badly needed). I felt good.
Two weeks passed and two people came to see the house. I was devastated. Not that only two people came. I was devastated each time I though of someone else "taking my house". Then came the gradual decline. I started praying, "God, please give us wisdom. Show us if we should keep the house." I heard nothing back. Silence. "Oh God, please. Show us where you want us." Silence. This went on for the next two weeks.
Then came Friday. I was sitting in the living room looking at the wall that really needs a new coat of paint thinking, "I really need to get off my rear and paint that wall" and then I heard it. A little voice in the back of my mind saying, "I don't want to paint it (imagine the snottiest tone you ever heard in a child's voice). Then someone might buy it." Then I was thinking, "I really need to do yard work today. Tomorrow is going to be a good house hunting day. I need to get that done." And then Snotty Voice said, "I don't want to do yard work. If it looks nice someone will buy it." Then I threw a fit. I was so DONE with this. Why should I do yard work and paint for someone else particularly when I didn't even want to sell the house. So I threw myself down on the floor. "Oh God, I am in anguish. Please God, please, give us wisdom. I feel like I am being tossed by the waves." Nothing.
Tossed by the waves. That was exactly how I felt. I knew just where to find that in my bible so I pulled out my bible a flipped it open to James 1:2-8.
"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Yeah, okay , I want that - mature, complete, not lacking anything.
"5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
Yes, God, yes, give me wisdom."
"6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
OUCH!It hit me right in the heart. Before we put the house on the market we prayed about it. We knew it was what we needed to do. I was being double minded. Because it wasn't want I wanted to do I "forgot" the peace we had about it and started begging for a different will from God. No wonder I was being tossed. I threw myself out of the calm waters and into the roaring ocean of doubt. I was double minded and unstable and "should not think he will receive anything from the Lord." Well, that would explain the silence.
I threw myself back down (yes, the drama) on my knees and asked God to forgive my double mindedness. I prayed for strength to do what I didn't want to do. God is so faithful. I was filled (after a bit more prayer) with so much peace. I got up, happy and glowing, and decided to go take a shower and move on with my day.
Then I heard HIM. Quietly, gently. "The yard work needs to be done today."
Me: "I'm going to go take a shower."
HIM: "You need to do the yard work."
Me: "Yeah, I should go take a shower."
HIM: "You are being rebellious. You need to do the yard work."
Me: "If I do the yard work, someone will buy the house."
Him: Silence.
Sorry God. I put on my work clothes and headed out side and had the most wonderful afternoon enjoying God's creation and being thankful for the time I have had in this house.
Two weeks later, we really don't think the house is going to sell. The market is bad and we're moving to a more expensive area so we can't drop on our price. We'll give it a little more time but for now we're working toward renting the house out and renting something near hubby's work. If the house sells, I'll be sad. If it doesn't I'll have a lot of work to do as a landlord. Whatever God has for us I am (gripping the arms of my chair) ready for. 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
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